I had finally gone through and closed the extra tabs in my chrome mobile browser. They went from 40+ down to 1. Then, I noticed that my phone had actually separated out 223 inactive and/or duplicate tabs I had open into another grouping.
Looking back through them, jolts of old feelings ran through my body… they were from up to 2 year ago. Some were slutty vacation dresses from a time where I thought I’d be going to a destination vacation in the Caribbean.
Another was a google search “avonex and cancer risk” from when my world was crumbling because the general neurologist made a referral to the MS neurology clinic without telling me first. Thankfully, it turns out I don’t have MS. I’m one of the lucky few that has a very stable RIS diagnosis… meaning I am at higher risk than the general population for developing MS one day but it would be caught so early that, with prompt treatment, it would have virtually no impact on my life. A weird headspace to be in when you’re a young brown woman in her late 20s, nonetheless.
Another was the LinkedIn of a guy that had the same name as someone I went on one date with, we had clicked and stayed out til 2am walking the cold streets of the city we ended up in by circumstance. I went home after he tried to kiss me, and then for a month he breadcrumbed me after I told him I wasn’t looking for a hookup. Yes, it took me a month to stop replying to his maybes…
Who the hell was I back then? I got to relive some of those versions of myself through a digital ghost.